I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.
This week for most schools is BACK TO SCHOOL WEEK.
And for the first time in 13 years, since the age of 5 when I cried nearly EVERY DAY of kindergarten, I'm not going back to school, as a student or a teacher.
My school stuff is packed away in boxes gathering dust.
I haven't changed out of my running clothes yet.
My files loaded with good ideas are sitting useless.
I've changed 3 diapers today.
My children's chapter books are being unread.
And I've gone to the grocery store twice already today.
I'm actually quite sad to not being going back to school. I miss shopping for new school clothes. I missed the smell of sharpened pencils. I miss planning my teaching day, getting fresh, warm copies out of the copy machine, and writing letters to my new students. I miss seeing my colleagues and talking professionally about a subject I'm passionate about. I miss packing my brown lunch sack full of goodies to sustain my energy throughout the day. I miss making posters and laminating them to hang all over my classroom. I miss seeing the nervous faces of 7 and 8 year olds knowing I'm in charge of their well being for the next 8 hours of the day. I miss the old professional me, who was good at something and loved what she did.
However,
it was nice to go to bed last night not feeling nervous or anxious for the first day of school.
(Even though I'm not going to school, I still have had dreams about the first day of school in the past couple of weeks. Weird.)
Going back to teaching had never been something I've considered doing since my beautiful Charlotte has come into my life. Both Mike and I felt it was right for me to be home all day with her. And while I love the opportunity to be home with Charlotte I still struggle with feeling good about what I do each day. Doing laundry, unloading and loading the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, and making the bed aren't so satisfying for me. I've never been that clean freak. While teaching in the classroom I was confident in my teaching abilities, I really felt like I was making a difference each day. I loved seeing the reward of a new concept taught by the change in my students' reading ability, high score on a math test, or a phone call from a parent sharing good news about a students' success. But I'm finding that even though I'm not in an official classroom my role as a mother is the most important teacher I can be. I'm slowly learning in my journey of being a mother that I too am making a difference in someone's life each day. It will just be a lot longer before I can see the success of what is being taught. Regardless, how of much I miss teaching, I wouldn't change a thing right now. Yes, I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing as a mother, but I do know I love that little bug more than I could have imagined. And I count myself lucky to be home with her each day.
PS I'm really missing my BB friends lately. You know you are. I wish you the best of luck this school year!
Sadly not many people were there. And I will tell you those who didn't go seriously missed out. BOTH MIKE and I had so much fun. Yes, you read that correctly even Mike had a great time at my high school reunion, he's such a champ to go with me and have a fabulous time. People say they see everyone they want to see already so why go to the reunion? I can understand their point, however it was so fun to catch up with those people who I don't see or haven't seen in ten years, as well as those people who I do get to see often. It was totally normal to talk to everyone; it didn't feel as if it had been ten years, I picked up right where I left off with everyone who was there. I felt as if all the clicks that had been around in high school no longer existed. Everyone was friendly and outgoing. It was a blast. The only downfall was of course not taking as many pictures as I wish I would have. 
