Feeling Nostalgic

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.

This week for most schools is BACK TO SCHOOL WEEK.

And for the first time in 13 years, since the age of 5 when I cried nearly EVERY DAY of kindergarten, I'm not going back to school, as a student or a teacher.

My school stuff is packed away in boxes gathering dust.

I haven't changed out of my running clothes yet.

My files loaded with good ideas are sitting useless.

I've changed 3 diapers today.

My children's chapter books are being unread.

And I've gone to the grocery store twice already today.

I'm actually quite sad to not being going back to school. I miss shopping for new school clothes. I missed the smell of sharpened pencils. I miss planning my teaching day, getting fresh, warm copies out of the copy machine, and writing letters to my new students. I miss seeing my colleagues and talking professionally about a subject I'm passionate about. I miss packing my brown lunch sack full of goodies to sustain my energy throughout the day. I miss making posters and laminating them to hang all over my classroom. I miss seeing the nervous faces of 7 and 8 year olds knowing I'm in charge of their well being for the next 8 hours of the day. I miss the old professional me, who was good at something and loved what she did.

However,

it was nice to go to bed last night not feeling nervous or anxious for the first day of school.

(Even though I'm not going to school, I still have had dreams about the first day of school in the past couple of weeks. Weird.)

Going back to teaching had never been something I've considered doing since my beautiful Charlotte has come into my life. Both Mike and I felt it was right for me to be home all day with her. And while I love the opportunity to be home with Charlotte I still struggle with feeling good about what I do each day. Doing laundry, unloading and loading the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, and making the bed aren't so satisfying for me. I've never been that clean freak. While teaching in the classroom I was confident in my teaching abilities, I really felt like I was making a difference each day. I loved seeing the reward of a new concept taught by the change in my students' reading ability, high score on a math test, or a phone call from a parent sharing good news about a students' success. But I'm finding that even though I'm not in an official classroom my role as a mother is the most important teacher I can be. I'm slowly learning in my journey of being a mother that I too am making a difference in someone's life each day. It will just be a lot longer before I can see the success of what is being taught. Regardless, how of much I miss teaching, I wouldn't change a thing right now. Yes, I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing as a mother, but I do know I love that little bug more than I could have imagined. And I count myself lucky to be home with her each day.

PS I'm really missing my BB friends lately. You know you are. I wish you the best of luck this school year!

BRYCE

Over the weekend we took a quick trip to visit this place...

Bryce Canyon National Park.

We were there less than 24 hours.

But within that time....

I ran a half marathon.

We played with our sweet baby.

Got to see the beautiful sights that Bryce has to offer.

Hung out with my super, cool parents.

And just enjoyed being together without the pressure of feeling like we had

to clean our house, or do yard work.

Love being in Utah where so many beautiful National Parks

are close enough for quick weekend getaways!

Did you know?

Photo taken by Katherine Wallin, of my cousin Annie and me, Salt Lake Half Marathon 2008

Did you know today is NATIONAL RUNNING DAY?

A day dedicated to running!

What could be better?

There is nothing like getting outside on a beautiful day, getting your heart pumping, sweating on your forehead and being able to clear your head on an early morning run. Charlotte and I just got back from our run and it was perfect outside.

So in honor of this day...

get out there and go running!

Never been a runner? Today is the perfect day to start!

Go. Now. You won't be sorry.

For comments on this post I want you to tell me what you love/hate about running. It seems you either love it or hate it so I want to hear why. Please share!

Finding me

WARNING. This is a long post. I share a lot of feelings/emotions I've experienced. This is something I don't normally like to do on my public blog so feel free to skip reading this post.

The hardest thing after having Charlotte was not feeling like "myself".

Let me preface...

Both Mike and I were thrilled to have Charlotte in our home. We knew she came to our family at the right time, we were ready to be parents and welcomed this change into our lives. I remember people saying "your life will change" and at the time of being told that I remember thinking "Duh, of course it's going to change. We're having a baby." I was excited for the change and I knew having a baby would enrich my life in ways I couldn't imagine. I loved teaching and working in elementary schools but I wanted to be a mom and it felt right to be home with her.

So we knew our lives would change but there really isn't a way to prepare for it. After coming home from the hospital with Charlotte I felt like my life has changed literally over night. For the first six weeks I walked around like a tired zombie who fed her baby, changed her diapers and slept whenever it was possible. I didn't feel like myself. I loved my baby, no doubt, but I didn't feel like the old Laura. I was SO emotional. Oh my gosh so emotional; ask any of my sisters. I was in survival mode trying to figure out life with a newborn, with a husband who was gone and working A LOT. I was no longer doings things that I used to do, which was ok, but VERY different from what my life had been like, no more teaching/work, I wasn't running, I didn't have time to read, I wasn't watching my favorite shows at night, I wasn't going to church and weekly ward activities. I felt like I had lost myself.

Slowly things got a little easier with the newborn I was beginning to figure her out, what her cries meant, when she was hungry, she started sleeping better and I was coming out of my shell again. I went to my six week post-delivery appointment and got the go ahead to start running again. We all know how that first run went. I was disappointed, frustrated and felt like I would never be able to run like I used to. Early last fall I signed up for the Salt Lake Half marathon thinking I could totally run it even though my baby would only be three months old. I thought it would be great motivation to get back into shape after having the babus. Well, after my first post-delivery run I thought running a half marathon would be impossible. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to run a half marathon so soon. I was seriously distraught about it. Running, especially participating in races was something I had loved to do and I thought I would never be able to do it again. (So dramatic! Must have been those newborn hormones or something.)

Even though that first run was SO HARD, I knew I had to keep pushing myself. I felt wonderful encouragement from so many of you who had left comments on that blog post. Eventually running became easier. I was still slow but I could go three miles without stopping to walk, which turned into four miles, five miles, then six miles without walking. The idea of running the half became more realistic. Through running I was finding a NEW ME. One who loves being home with her baby but treasures and now appreciates her time to run by herself.

My aunt said it best when commenting on my sister Mandy's blog about Mandy and me in the newborn phase, "you're in the middle of it, but can I tell you what I think is amazing about the newborn transition? You loose your "old self" with each child and become a deeper, wiser new self each time. I love watching you girls "loose yourselves" and become something new. You are both amazing!!!! period. The best is yet to come!"

A couple of weeks before the half I just decided to run it. I had already signed up and PAID for it. I knew it was going to be hard, I knew I would have to push myself, and I knew I would probably have to walk during the race as well. But I was determined to do it.

AND I DID.

Did I have to walk? YES.

Did it kick my butt? YES.

Did I want to quit in the middle of it? YES.

Did I dry heave at mile 11? YES.

Did I run it 10 MINUTES slower than last year. YES.

But did I love it? YES.

Being a mother is the most wonderful gift I have in my life. I can honestly say I look forward to being with Charlotte every day. But it's also important to still be ME. I didn't run the half to get a PR, I did it because running has brought me to feeling like me again. I needed to prove to myself I was still a runner. I needed to prove I could balance life with a newborn, resident husband and a passion for running. I'm so glad I pushed myself to do it regardless of how I did and how hard it was. Even though I have run a handful of half marathons, finishing this one has meant the most to me thus far.

Thanks to my wonderful husband who encouraged me to run and watched Charlotte so I could go running by myself once in awhile.

(Love him so much)

Thanks to my wonderful in laws for coming to cheer me on during the race! Seeing all of you gave me the burst of energy I needed at that time.

Thanks to my parents who met me at mile 7 and the end. You gave me the pep talk and encouragement I needed!

*What have you done after having kids to feel like yourself again?

*Did you ever feel a little lost after having children?

*Want to read the most beautiful post about this very topic? Please click here. It's SO WORTH YOUR TIME and Amanda says it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

*Want to know something amazing? I have a friend who has a seven week old baby and she ran it in under an 8 minute mile pace. Katie, you rock and are my inspiration!

Back to square one

I had my first real test of MY WORD today.

I went for my first post-pregnancy, post-delivery run.

I told myself I would be happy if I could go three miles without stopping. (Keep in mind, I haven't just run 3 miles for years, I would at least run 4 when I would go, including pregnancy)

I knew it would be hard. It's been nearly 8 weeks since I have gone running.

I had no idea HOW HARD it would be. I barely made it 1.5 miles before I had to stop and take a break. WHAT?

I was even running slower than I ran during my pregnancy.

I couldn't believe how weak my legs felt.

Needless to say I was very frustrated to during my run at this point.

I really didn't think I would have to start ALL OVER with my running, and be THAT out of shape.

My dreams for races this spring and summer seemed far fetched and impossible.

Then I remembered my WORD.

I tried to refocus my thoughts and enjoy the last 1.8 miles of my run. I didn't end up running faster, in fact the last half of my run was slower and it included some walking. But I thought of my sweet Charlotte and remembered what my body went through not too long ago and I told myself it was ok to go slow. I took a moment to enjoy running in the rain. I took a moment to enjoy the view of the mountains. I tried to APPRECIATE my run for what it was worth.

Don't get me wrong, I still had some negative thoughts and I came home wanting to cry, feeling like I had lost how far I've come in my running. But it's the beginning of a new mind set for me. I've got to appreciate how well I did knowing what my body did 6 weeks ago. My running can only get better from here on out right?

**Hey mom runners out there...how long until you felt like your old running self? Did you ever feel like you got back to where you once were?

Good day

Today was a good day.

1. I ran 4 miles without having to stop and go pee! Wahoo! Sadly, this is a huge accomplishment for me these days. (Any mom runners out there who have tips to help with this?)

2. I got my SWINE FLU SHOT. Phew.

3. And as of yesterday I'm...

Can you believe it's already been 4 weeks since this? Where has all the time gone?

***Sorry. Not the most interesting post, but not much is going on these days.

Potty stops, flu shots and belly pics are just about the most exciting thing we have going on in our lives right now.

I got lucky

**About a month late. Just haven't had the blogging bug I guess.

Labor Day weekend my mom and I headed to Midway, Utah for the Swiss Days 10k. I've felt great throughout my whole pregnancy and have continued running. (Kind of a pathetic waddle, but I'm still trying to plug along.) And since this is one of my favorite races, I figured why not run it?

The elements couldn't have been more perfect that morning. The weather was nice and cool. It was overcast and I was feeling good physically. I took it slow and enjoyed the beautiful scenery Midway has to offer. The course has nice rolling hills and wasn't crowded so I could run whatever pace I so desired. I crossed the finished line just before the rain started, the race volunteers handed me my race results and was shocked to see....

I got fourth place in my age group and finished 5 seconds faster than the last 10k I ran 4 weeks earlier? What?

Last year when I ran this race, I ran it with super fast people and finished a good FIVE MINUTES faster than I did this year. FIVE MINUTES faster but I finished in eighth place in my age group. I guess I got lucky this year.

Shout out to my mom to got FIRST PLACE IN HER AGE GROUP! Wahoo K-style! You are awesome and my running inspiration!

24th of July Extravaganza! Part 1

One of my favorite holidays of the summer is Utah's Pioneer Day on the 24th of July. The day usually includes a race, a parade, barbeques and fireworks. This year followed suit and was one of the most fun days of the summer yet.

The day started off with the traditional Deseret News 10k. Even though at the time of the race I was 16 1/2 weeks pregnant, I wasn't going to let that stop me from running one of my favorite races. I went really slow and just enjoyed taking it easy.

My cousin Annie did amazing this year. She finished a good 11 minutes faster than me. That just tells you how slow I was, and how fast she was. I miss running with her and was so proud of how awesome she did. My mom also ran the 10k and rocked it. 

Although I was much slower this year, I still finished under an hour and felt great the entire time. It was just the beginning of an awesome day. 

A different race

Has it really been almost a month since I have posted?  The weather has been so perfect I haven't wanted to be inside and blogging. I would rather be running, reading outside, gardening, spending time with Mike. However today I couldn't take looking at Mexico pictures anymore, it's time for an update. 
Almost a month ago my girl Lacey and I ran participated in Race for the Cure 5k. I loved this race, it's a must do every year. I'll tell you why. For one, it's not competitive at all. People were not there to win the race, people participating were there to support an important cause. There wasn't even a clock at the finish line, which goes to show the real purpose behind the race. It was so cool to be there with so many people to show your support of the research for Breast Cancer. I was amazed at how many shirts I saw that said "survivor" or "running for my mom, aunt, sister, grandma". People were carrying banners/posters for family members who had passed on. Let's just say it was an emotional event and I would highly recommend you putting on your list of things to do. Whether you are a walker, runner, jogger, you really should do it.

Lacey and I before the race. I love this girl. Thanks for getting me to do it Lace!

So much pink in one spot. I love it.

This picture doesn't do justice of how many people were participating in the race. Thousands of people were there. Seriously. Click on the picture to enlarge it, you might be able to get a better look of how many people were there. 

Can't wait to do it again next year...

Salt Lake Half Marathon

* Photo courtesy of Katherine Wallin. Thanks sis.

Can you find my cousin and I in the photo? HINT: We are the crazy ones with our arms up. We wanted to be sure our family could see us. 

Mission accomplished. 

Lesson learned: So Annie and I  got to the starting area 20 minutes before the race was to begin. Plenty of time to go to the bathroom right? WRONG. We were in line for the potty while the gun went off for the race to start.  We figured since we had chips to get our official time we would continue to wait in line to take care of our business.  We ended up starting the race almost 11 minutes after the gun went off.  But it actually wasn't so bad.  Usually the first couple of miles of a race are frustrating because there are so many people and you're weaving in and out of people to find your pace and get comfortable. Well since we started so late, everyone else was way ahead of us and the crowd was beginning to thin out. We had no problem finding a comfortable pace that we were able to keep the entire race. I think we are going to start every race 10 minutes late from now on. 

A hot and a cold one

The past month has been good but busy. Here's an attempt at catching up with some of the things we've doing.

In the middle of March, Mike and I headed to Moab with some of my family for the Moab Half Marathon. It was an excellent weekend. The weather was warm and sunny, while Salt Lake was cold and snowy. It was so nice to get away and spend time with my parents, some of my cousins, aunts and uncles.
Aside from the dry heaving and nausea at mile 9.5 and 12 the race was ok. I didn't do as well as I wanted, but I still finished in under 2 hours and enjoyed the beauty of Moab.

The runners. 

I love running with my cousin Annie. We used to run all the time before both of us were married, then we both got married and moved away. Now that we are both in living Utah,  we have started running together again. She was a good friend and stayed with me even when I wasn't feeling too well. Thanks Annie, you're the best.

I was so happy to have Mike there with me the whole weekend. 

Unfortunately, we didn't get to spend a lot of time in Arches National Park. Mike had never been to Arches so we tried to show him the highlights. Balancing rock being one of them. 

Another highlight included this interesting rock formation. 

I'll let you figure out why Mikey liked it so much. 

All in all it was great to get away for a couple of days and spend some time together. 

A couple of weeks after the Moab half, I ran the Sports-am Ten Miler down Emigration Canyon. The Moab half marathon was in the 60's, this race was in the 30's. 

To be honest, I think I like running in the colder weather better.

 I didn't so much mind running in the snow, wind and slush. 

The race went well; much better than the Moab half. 

If you live near the Salt Lake area this is a race to put on list of things to do. 

It was well organized, well marked, well supported, a fun, laid back crowd, and excellent refreshments. 

P.S. I have the best little sister. She woke up early Saturday morning, in the cold, to pick me up at the finish line since Mike was working and couldn't be there.  I'm so lucky to be her sister. 

So there's a little preview of what we've been up to.  Hopefully more updates to come.